Knowing the Unknown
“For I know the plans I have for you. declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Saying “Yes” to having a child, is saying yes to all that comes with it. The joy. The pain. The love. The suffering. We can dream, we can plan, but only God can make our path straight through the peaks of jubilation and the valleys of desperation. We cannot predict the life that lay ahead as a child is placed so tenderly into our arms, but we can trust in the One that knows.
I was alone with God in the midst of Leo’s suffering. We had been removed from the world. I often sat in silence at his bedside. After his death I was thrust back into the fold of society. In a sense, I had come down from the mountain top. After the intimate time alone with God, I was poured back into the pool of uncertainty. It was hard to adjust to the change in my world.
Everything that was peaceful in the midst of turmoil was set before me. It was difficult to climb out of the stillness of the day and find things moving at a fast pace. It made me long for the challenges that I had withstood. Almost as if the pain I witnessed was easier than witnessing the pain of seeing the evil in the world.
I have been able to look past my circumstances. I have been able to endure the significant loss of two of my sons. This has come to be because I now look through the lens of eternity. I try to accept all things from God’s hands. Surrendering to Him daily, because I have personally witnessed how His will, will always be better than mine.
We are fortunate to know the unknown. Back in the day of Jesus’ crucifixion it was a time of uncertainty. A time of silence. I can’t even begin to imagine what I would have felt waking up Saturday morning. Everything that I had come to know and believe from the previous three years suddenly shattered and removed. In the stillness and silence of that day, I believe I would have felt alone. Questioning everything I had witnessed and been told.
What a beautiful gift we have in knowing. Knowing is what has guided me through my sorrow. Knowing is what allows me to step with trust and confidence into a new day.
